


The Faller

by Blue_hare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Erwin Smith-centric, Gen, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sad with a Happy Ending, not Happy but Hopeful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_hare/pseuds/Blue_hare
Summary: “What will you do when the titans are defeated?”It’s a question he has answered time and time again. One that satisfies all except one.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	The Faller

**Author's Note:**

> Its been such a long time. I hope you are doing well. I wrote this months ago but forgot about it until I decided to organize all my Google docs and create a new account purely for my fanfic docs. I polished it some but I probably left errors behind. I hope you enjoy this even though it may break your heart.

_“What will you do when the titans are defeated?”_

It’s a question he has answered time and time again. One that satisfies all except one.

Levi is a hard man to fool. But Erwin is an expert con-man and that makes all the difference.

It came without warning the minute Historia was crowned and Eren kissed her hand. _A memory._

The missing piece to all and everything. To the beginning and the end of the Titans.

A plan was devised. They would find the tree that had shackled Ymir and then she would be free. It did not come without consequences. Something that was neither shocking nor surprising to Erwin Smith. The walls fell when the Titans came to life beneath the midday sun. Eren, clasped hand in hand with Historia and Mikasa, used the Founding Titans coordinate power and called forth all the remaining titans. It took half a day for them, the warrior wielders from Marley, to arrive.

They did not come unaccompanied.

What would ensue was a standoff where neither side backed down from their objectives. In the end, Ymir made the choice to show everyone her memories. Every single depraved and bloody one. It was a life of servitude, of violence and of hopelessness. It was enough to set her free but not for peace among the remaining nations or for humanity.

It did make it easier though; to broach it. That was the power that such savagery those memories showed. It took five years but at last a modicum of peace had been reached.

Erwin closed his printed copy of the peace treaty, feeling numb that everything was now over. He never imagined it and yet, a week ago, he and a select entourage of Paradis citizens had traveled to Einnav to sign the peace treaty. He had led the delegation, as ambassador, under Queen Historia’s command. Internally, he gave all the credit to Miche who had once said he had _always_ been a politician.

And now, with so many projects underway, railroads and steamboats and all forms of transportation, there was no need for a military. That had been a stipulation of the treaty for both Paradis and Marley; for the next 100 years neither were to keep an active military. Since then, most of the soldiers were now employed as builders and or engineers. Paradis was changing every single day.

“Still here, huh?”

He looked up, unaware of Levi's presence.

“Yes. I’ve only just begun packing. Hange told me you are all set to leave with the engineering team tomorrow.”

He nods back, moving his gaze through the room.

With time, Levi’s visits became less frequent. Erwin welcomed the time and distance between each one. It was what he hoped and prayed for since he saw that something resigned in Levi’s dark eyes months ago when he asked if he would ever marry.

“I will as soon as I’m done with my work, Levi.”

It had been the same answer he had given him since that interview many years ago. A wife and children after the titans disappeared.

“So a wife and children, huh?”

Erwin ignored the dullness in Levi’s voice.

“Yes, that’s correct.”

Erwin had no intention of doing that.

Half a month before he was due to depart for Marley on a delegation he sold the house he had owned in Rose for the part 13 years. There was no use for one. He got a substantial amount that he invested in the Veteran’s fund. The rest he split between two people.

One to the Scientific and Research facility run by Hange and her team and the other to the opening of a long dreamed tea shop.

He made both donations anonymous.

Nearly three years after his decision to retire from both political and military affairs, Erwin met his former friends for lunch. It had been a long time since they last caught up with one another.

When Hange called out excitedly to him lunging towards him in an embrace he was surprised to find their stomach distended.

“Hange.” He said as he looked at them. They replied with a shy grin.

He hugged them affectionately and congratulated Moblit who spluttered an embarrassed but proud, “Thank you.”

When Levi arrived, he awkwardly shook his hand.

He watched with a content smile as they easily fell into their old ways. So entranced he was by this familiarity, that he failed to notice the questions directed his way.

“Pardon.”

Levi looked at him with a raised eyebrow, snorting a “Tch.”

“When will you introduce us to the future Mrs. Smith?” Hange asks, taking a bite of a rich slice of chocolate cake.

Erwin laughs good naturedly. “I’d say not just yet.”

He thinks nothing of how easily he lies about recently having broken off a relationship.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone, Erwin.” Moblit says in an understanding tone.

The topic turns from them sympathizing with Erwin to Levi’s relationship. It’s much like pulling teeth, after all, he is very private but, Erwin does not fail to notice the soft look in his eyes or the curve of his lips when he talks about the man called Hendrich.

It’s much more different from all the others that he had heard him talk off.

Erwin smiles and teases through it all ignoring the brittle cracks in his heart.

Hendrich is a jovial kind of man. As tall as Erwin, with light honey hair and clear eyes. He is a professor at the newly reopened Maria University. On more than one occasion, Erwin finds himself in deep discussion with him, much to Levi’s displeasure calling the both of them “boring old men.”

The name gives him pause. It feels as though no time has passed from their late evening marathons trying to make their way through piles and piles of documents. Only then his smile is momentarily floundering and then disappearing completely, in the face of Hendrich’s quick and easy kiss to Levi’s dark head. It’s the first time he has witnessed any display of their affections.

He leaves quickly after, lying as easily as ever, about a visit to the Queen’s orphanage regarding the children's updated educational curriculum. He can tell Levi is upset at his leaving so soon. He was meant to stay for dinner as he had cooked Erwin’s favorite for their meal.

Erwin is apologetic and promises "next time." He can tell Levi does not believe him but Hendrich is there with an arm on his shoulder to soothe and placate him.

Erwin elects to walk the rest of the way home despite the considerable distance to the small apartment he rents. By the time he walks through the building’s gate it is long past dark and he has convinced himself that it is his aged body that is the cause of the ache in his chest.

He busies himself for the next few months.

A few days after the start of the new year Erwin learns of the engagement of Levi Ackerman, former and celebrated Captain of the Survey Corps, to Literary Director and Professor of Maria University, Hendrich Favrette.

It should not surprise Erwin as much as it does. The last he saw them they were living together after all and yet...in some deep recess of Erwin’s arrogant and selfish heart, he hoped that Levi would eventually break it off with Hendrich, as he'd done with the others.

The minute the thought surfaces Erwin buries it completely and denigrates his arrogance and his selfishness.

This is what he wanted after all.

He makes plans to visit them and congratulate them.

When he does, Levi is tense, as can be, as he asks him whether he is willing to be his best man. Erwin does not hesitate to agree. It helps that Levi smiles at him, a relieved sort of smile. As if Erwin could have denied him anything that would make him happy.

_But you have,_ a traitorous voice whispers darkly.

He does his best to help with the preparations, making sure everything runs smoothly for Levi who, despite his neutral expressions, was a nervous wreck.

Hange and Mikasa's children are flower girls and ring bearers on the day of Levi’s and Hendrich’s wedding. It’s a small but intimate affair, on a warm spring day. Both grooms wear corsages of white magnolia flowers tied with blue ribbon with delicate white lace. It was the one detail Levi wanted as a way to remember Isabelle, Furlan and his mother.

For Erwin it was further proof that Levi marrying Hendrich was the right choice. Unlike him, he had no hand in the deaths of the people that Levi loved and or considered family. Hendrich would ensure Levi’s happiness.

As they exchanged vows, Erwin couldn’t help the tears prickling at his eyes. When they sealed their union with a kiss he let them run down his pale cheeks unaware of Hange’s keen eyes.

“It was you that helped Levi with his vows wasn’t it?’

They ask, having cornered him at the reception. There must be surprise in his widening eyes but Hange only reminds him about the letter they found between the old books in his office once upon a time. He had forgotten that and said as such.

“Nile told me that you helped him woo his wife Marie once and Levi has never been that eloquent. You helped him too then?”

“Yes.” He says.

There is a sharpness to Hange’s eyes that momentarily makes him falter; as if they know something or have realized something that only just clicked.

“Was it because he's your friend?”

“Of course. I would do anything to help a friend.”

“Was that the only reason?”

He means to answer “yes” but he wavers and Hanges eyes widen in realization.

“Oh, Erwin.”

He lets himself be embraced, assuring them that he is fine. That it is just his sentimentality getting in the way but he knows Hange does not buy any of his explanations. Thankfully young Nifa comes barreling into them, embracing Hange’s legs, as her brother comes chasing her. Hange lets him go occupied with their young children. Both they and Moblit are not enough to contain their excitable offspring.

With a deep breath Erwin rises up to deliver his speech to an attentive crowd.

“I met Levi Ackerman many years ago and since that initial meeting many things have changed. But you would not know that looking at Levi’s appearance. I think we can all agree that the Captain remains as youthful as ever.” Here he reaches for the side of his head where his hair is no longer blonde. The audience laughs good naturedly at Levi’s scowl (his youthful appearance still a sore spot) and then “Awwws” as Hendrich kisses him on his cheek.

“The beginning of our working relationship was rocky. Despite it all, I am very glad I met Levi because without his skill and trust in me and his comrades, I am not sure whether we would have been able to achieve peace,” he turns to the pair. “ A long time ago we sat down to an interview where Levi revealed his wishes if we found ourselves in a world without titans. I am very glad that you made your dream a reality and am immensely happy that you found someone to share the rest of your life with. I do not think I need offer advice in matters of the heart, except this. A long time ago Levi offered his heart to humanity. Humanity no longer needs such an offering. I am glad he has offered his heart to a worthy man such as yourself Hendrich.” He raises his glass “I wish you much happiness to you both as you embark on this adventure called married life together.”

Erwin smiles while drinking with the crowd as the happy pair kiss before them.

He does not stay long for the continuing celebration but, before he goes, he bids farewell to the grooms. Levi is glowing with happiness and so open with his sincere thanks at Erwin's speech and his help with everything else that he embraces him.

“Thank you for making sure I didn’t turn into a complete monster like Hange said I would. But mostly, thank you for bringing me into the light. Without you I would never have any of this.”

Erwin freezes. This is the first time Levi has said such a thing to him. He does not deserve his thanks.

“No Levi, you did this all on your own.”

“Goddamit Smith, learn to take a compliment.” He's let go by then, only to reach out and stand on his tip-toes, to brush his small hand on his temple, where the white hair has mostly overcome the blond.

“You’re so blonde I don't think anyone will notice these white hairs of yours. You still have time to make a family Erwin and make your dream come true.”

He nods at him unable to speak. He is saved by Hendrich appearing to then shake his hand and embrace him as well (this takes him by surprise).

As he walks away. he turns around just as the newlyweds head back inside hand in hand, to the light, where they are greeted by more cheers from the crowd.

Erwin's smile is bittersweet. His heart twists painfully and happily, all at once.

Two years after, Erwin is present when the both of them come to visit the Queen’s orphanage in hopes of adopting. The adoption process is expedited on account of who they are. The Ackerman-Fauvrette family grows to one of four in a short two weeks.

Erwin has grown resilient (the jealousy he feels, he is not sure whether it's because of the family they are building or that he’d wanted that with L---) and weary all the same. His age shows more and more.

He has come to visit Hange, who has only just agreed to, at last, marry Moblit; despite the five children they have. Levi is present as he helps with the preparations. Between the two and Moblit they temper Hange’s wilder ideas.

It’s late in the evening but there is still some of the sun's light streaming through the opened window. Erwin watches Levi rock his youngest child, a young girl named Bella, to sleep. It’s such a calm and peaceful scene, he can't help the warmth that floods his chest as the light glows around Levi and Bella.

“Levi, are you happy?”

Levi does not look at him, at least not immediately.

“Of course I am.” then he turns his dark eyes to Erwin and asks. “Are you?”

Erwin did not expect the question right back but he takes his time to answer.

He thinks of a world without titans and without walls. He thinks of his former Scouts married and with children of their own. Of them accomplishing dreams and traveling to distant lands and meeting new people. He thinks of Hange and Moblit and Levi and Hendrich and their families. Of Levi’s no longer rare soft smiles.

“Yes, I am.”

Later that night as Erwin massages the remains of his arm he contemplates his life. There is still much he must atone for. Still debts he must pay off. Some that he won’t be able to pay for in this life (and perhaps not the next or the one after). But Hange and Levi are happy and that means more to him than anything else in his life. Whatever dreams he had, he cast aside and dismissed willingly, despite the anguish and protests of his heart. He knows this. He should accept it. He can wait.

The years go by and by. With time, both Hange and Levi have stopped asking when Erwin will marry. They both have accepted Erwin’s devotion to his work. In this he has not changed. But they do worry about him getting old on his own and they talk about it amongst themselves. His health has deteriorated and still Erwin devotes himself completely to the orphaned children, to helping historians record the history of the Eldians. To piece as much of past Scouts and Military records.

At one time there had been a terrible row between the three of them when they found out about Erwin's living situation. Till then, they had been under the impression that he resided in his Rose house. For some reason the state of his small apartment had deeply affronted them. But Erwin had argued that he did not need such a house with such ample space. It was of better use for someone who wished to fill those once empty rooms than for an aging bachelor.

It set both Hange and Levi off. That he had not even given anybody a chance. That he did not put any effort forth in pursuit of his dream of having a family. So he lets them talk him into blind dates despite his unwillingness. If only to get them off his back. In time he is sure they will forget or more likely tire of their efforts.

He is nearing his 50th birthday when he first feels an awful clenching pain in his chest. Aware of the risk his lost limb has left him with, he goes to the doctor.

He does not reveal how the pain mirrored that of when he’d been dragged away from atop his horse by that titan.

It spurs him to set his things in order. He contacts an attorney and nowter to write his will. He pays visits to friends, new and old. They are quick to point out how thin he has become but he pushes their worries aside, telling them that his father had been the same and they leave him alone.

He’s taking tea with the Ackerman-Fauvrette family, when Levi unexpectedly tells him that he would have been a good father. He has Bella on his lap resting comfortably on him, telling her about the stories he still remembers, clear as water, from his childhood.

“Thank you, Levi.” He smiles genuinely back at him. He bids Levi and Hendrich goodbye, inviting them to dinner the next time.

On the eve of the anniversary of Mike’s and the others death, Erwin visits his grave. He has missed him very much and it’s what spurs him to invite Nile for drinks. They’ve been close now since they live so much closer than before.

It unexpectedly turns into a gathering of retired military leaders and commanders. Dot Pixis is there, as is Darius Zachary.

Near the end of the night, the three turn to Erwin expressing their concern over his solitude. Nile’s is less coherent but Pixis, with ever gleaming eyes, and Darius, with a matching look, remind Erwin that he no longer needs to give or devote everything up for humanity.

“You are allowed to be selfish, Erwin. You’ve earned it.”

Erwin smiles not sharing their sentiments. He had thought that Pixis, out of the three, would have understood. It seems he was wrong.

In the week afterwards, his missing arm starts aching something terrible and he cancels visits and excuses his many appointments to stay at home in a vain attempt to try and relieve his aches.

On a Sunday afternoon, he falls asleep telling himself that he has no reason to feel any regrets. Even to him it sounds hollow. His chest has been aching just as bad as his phantom arm. The combined pain is agonizing but he wills himself to sleep. Seeking only relief.

_Not rest._

He wakes to a figure standing directly in front of him. A figure translucent but seeming to be cast in a bright while light all the same. They made no motion to remove their hood from their face and yet...Erwin felt that he knew who it was.

“Is he happy?”

The only way that they showed any reaction, surprise or perhaps another emotion, was the shift of the white robe and the soft movement of disturbed spilled dark hair from beneath their hood.

With a soft, husky, airy voice they answered.

“Yes. He is.”

Erwin waited as if expecting something more.

“I’m glad.”

And he turned around, away from the _light._ Somehow knowing that to do so, would inevitably lead to the _darkness._

That place was not very far. It was a wall and how funny, that thought cut through his consciousness. _A wall of all things._

A wall of fluid darkness, that appeared more mist than anything.

“He looks like you.”

The figure behind him stopped in their tracks, silver-blue eyes widening and the softest of inhaled breaths.

Erwin stepped right through the dark wall. As he did something small and glowing red fell behind him.

A ruby heart, jagged with sharp edges that had pulsed and had been the cause of that hearts ache.

Kuchel reached down for it; surprised at how it burned her skin. Her skin healed almost as quickly as it burned. Running a long finger over the sharp thin needles and spikes, she felt her heart clench as she looked up through the dark veil.

Erwin Smith's figure was slowly disappearing with each step he took further into the darkness. Despite the outline of his figure fading she could see the green blue light of his soul shining like a fading beacon.

In her hands, she felt the ruby heart flickering like the light of dying fireflies of a childhood long ago, the further he retreated.

She turned back once she could no longer see the blue green light, cupping the burnt out ruby heart. It’s warmth fading. She slipped the ruby in the pocket of her robes where occasionally she felt it burn through the soft feather-like material. Not once did she take it out.

When her Levi finally came to her, she thought about offering the ruby heart to him but, with one look at her son's silver-blue eyes, she decided against it.

He did not ask where Erwin Smith was amongst the light. Even though she knew that he had searched for him amongst familiar faces. Levi had known after all. He’d always known.

Erwin had been adamant of the debts he needed to pay off.

Before she felt herself being called to her next life, she walked to the edge between darkness and light. There was a gap there. For the first time she reached into her pocket and took the ruby heart out.

It was no longer sharp with jagged edges or spike or thin long needles. It had smoothed itself out with the passage of time and had taken the shape of a star. It flickered softly, like a candle, warm to the touch.

“I hope in the next life you aren’t born as stubborn when it comes to the love you felt for my Levi.” She whispered like a secret before letting the star drop.

“You deserve happiness as well.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title was taken from "The Faller" monologue in the movie, About Time.
> 
> "Maybe, just maybe, I'm the faller. Every family has someone who falls, who doesn't make the grade, who stumbles, who life trips up. Maybe I'm our faller."


End file.
